Cape Town
I remember conflicted feelings of resistance and readiness when making the decision to leave NYC for a while as my lease was coming to an end in late-August of 2021. There was no surrendering to the resistance. The knot in my gut every time I thought about staying wouldn't let me. Truthfully, I didn't really know why. All I knew was I could no longer ignore the lack of fulfillment or "stuck-ness" that begged for my attention. It was the loudest my intuition had been in a very, very long time. I told myself I'd go back eventually.
And in mid-September 2021, after the flurry of moving and goodbyes settled, I sat with my uncertainty and chose to trust in it. Parts of me wanted control over what was to come but, deep down, I knew there was no guarantee around what would unravel. So I let go. I let go of over-planning, of expectations, and just let myself flow freely but intentionally. Even when the days felt challenging and discomfort consumed me, my intuition assured me I was making the right choices. I, somehow, felt a sense of security in the unknown. There is a paradoxical beauty in the certainty of uncertainty.
I romanticized Spain for as long as I can remember and bought a flight to Barcelona the same morning I applied to meditation teacher training days before I officially left NYC. I dove head first into the program with very little experience and exposure to the practice itself. I had only taken 3 classes before I decided I wanted to teach. The whys behind these decisions were simple - because I felt called to by a subtle but exigent pull within me. I didn't realize, at the time, that all of this was preparing me for incredible evolution, adventure, and self-discovery.
I met tons of stunning people from different walks of life, I learned what it really means to love, I completed my certification, I immersed myself in many cities, landscapes, and cultures that permanently left an imprint on me, I created lives in two different countries, I sharpened my Spanish-speaking skills, I found my voice, I danced and cried on rooftops overlooking Mediterranean waters, I deepened my connection with myself, nature and spirituality, I weaved my Brother and my grief into my life in a more profound way than I ever imagined possible, I felt the energy of the Universe move through me, I found healing, peace and clarity, I moved back to NYC, I put myself out there and explored career paths that challenged me creatively and emotionally, I remembered who I really am and created space for Her to exist in all of Her complexity and expansiveness.
It's unreal how truly extraordinary life has been the last year... magical at its core. Of course, it has come with many, many moments of difficulty, pain, resistance, and fear but those exact moments were catalysts for my growth and healing.
The Universe has guided me to the environments, communities, practices, and experiences that nourished the deepest parts of me that desperately needed tending to.
Now, a year later, l've found myself sitting at the top of a mountain in South Africa, holding my Brother's love closely, reflecting on all of the expansions and contractions l've danced with, whole-heartedly trusting I'm ready for this next season.
I am beyond grateful for it all.
